Connect and Re-Direct

Hold On To Your Kids
My husband read Gordon Neufeld’s book Hold On To Your Kids and has shared parts of it with me. Neufeld stresses that the key to effective discipline lies in the strength of the parent-child bond. For this reason, he is critical of our obsession with time-outs as a discipline option. Neufeld contends that time-outs only fracture and strain the parent-child relationship, leading to resentment and bitterness in the child.

Connect and Redirect
I’m inclined to agree with his reasoning. He recommends a different approach. He says parents need to connect with their children first, by matter-of-factly commenting on what they’re doing, then redirecting the child.

That seems reasonable to me. Rather than attacking our children when they’re doing something they shouldn’t be doing, it makes sense to gently acknowledge a child and redirect when possible. I thought I should give it a try. Instead of jumping to conclusions and jumping all over my child, I decided I would connect and then redirect.

A Chance to Try it Out
This morning, five-year old Joshua came to show me something while I was working with his older, easily distracted brother, Samuel. I reminded Joshua that I was working with Samuel and asked him to please wait till I was finished before he returned the books that he borrowed from us.

Three minutes later, Joshua was back with a messy pile of books spilling from his arms. Impatiently I said, “I told you to wait with those!” Joshua’s countenance fell. He turned a quietly went away. I felt so horrible.

More of God's Grace Needed
What comes naturally, impatience, anger, selfishness, etc. is just so easy. Cultivating the fruits of the Spirit takes real diligence and a constant connection with Christ. We need His grace and power moment by moment. We can only share with our children what we ourselves possess.
I apologized to Joshua. Tomorrow is another day. By God’s grace we’ll grow to be more like Him.